'I want to be liked'

'I want to be liked,' a manager says when I ask why he finds it difficult to address employees.

'For the sake of keeping the peace and harmony in my team.'
I said, 'So you often sweep things under the rug?'

Laughing, he replied, 'That’s what my wife always says too.'

As a result, leadership becomes difficult, because giving an assignment or delegating is unconsciously translated in our minds into cautious communication in order to preserve harmony. And then you lose the real dialogue that should take place about the assignment, namely:

Mutual alignment about the HOW and the WHAT, and also agreement on checking in on this arrangement along the way.

Because 'sweeping things under the rug”' is an old survival strategy and is often linked to the need to prove yourself and to conflict avoidance. At some point it was functional, which is why it still feels so familiar. Changing this behavior starts with insight into the survival system—and especially with realizing that it gets in the way of your development and growth.

You don’t experience real connection. You avoid resistance to keep the peace.

But real peace only arises when you learn that you can tolerate resistance, and that resistance is not about whether you are “liked.” That’s something you can practice in real life.

Do you recognize this as well, and would you like to have a conversation about it—without it becoming too psychological?

Let me know.