I always say: Irritation is the mirror of the soul! It tells us which sensitive string is being touched.

And above all…. It distracts us from conscious attention, and it keeps surprising us.

Our attention is claimed every day. By deadlines, phones, the expectations of others, goals, problems that need solving and the endless stream of information. Without noticing it, our attention shifts from consciously choosing to constantly reacting.

• You feel busy, but not really meaningfully occupied.\n• You react absent-mindedly.\n• Creativity declines.\n• You reflect less.\n• You get irritated or tired more easily.\n• Work mostly gets executed, instead of being discovered.

And perhaps even more important: your curiosity disappears and with it your development.

Without wonder, we quickly think we already know the answers.

Curiosity or wonder isn't a character trait you either have or don't. It's a skill.

You can practice not only directing your attention to what demands it, but to consciously look or listen to what interests you.

For example: just look out of the window and observe what you see or hear.

And perhaps most importantly:

Your life feels less like a list to be ticked off and more like something you actively take part in.

Because what gets your attention, grows. And what you keep wondering about and exploring, stays alive.

Cherish your attention. Keep wondering.

And… analyse your irritation: whether you still find yourself wondering and whether your work keeps you curious.

When I ask why they don't dare to bring it up, people say:

• They will see it as my weakness\n• It could lead to a negative performance review\n• It will show I'm not mentally strong.

Through HBR I read that research has already been done on this, with the same answers I hear from my clients.

'People often don't ask for coaching because they're afraid it will be seen as a sign of weakness, failure or underperformance.'

The research also showed this happens more often with:

• High performers\n• Managers\n• Perfectionists\n• Loyal employees\n• People with a strong drive to prove themselves

They want to come across as competent and experience asking for help as a "loss of status".

My advice: clearly explain what your development is about, what your question is for the coach, and the goal of the coaching trajectory. And explain what you think this will mean for your role.

Don't link coaching only to problems, but to growth!

I often tell him: it's not you, but there is a mismatch between your abilities and the task currently on your plate.

He's strong in ideas, making connections, spotting opportunities and thinking ahead.\nBut his role asks for something different: structure, detail, concreteness.

He sometimes feels held back, not understood, and hears that he's running too far ahead of the troops: "You need to be more concrete, stick to the facts."

So now he keeps quiet, but gets frustrated when, a year later, the same (his) idea is presented by someone else and accepted. With that, exactly his added value disappears, namely:

Seeing possibilities that aren't there yet.

In the MBTI test this dimension shows up clearly through understanding your preference for Intuition (N) and your preference for Sensing (S).

Dare to share how you're wired. A question I often pass on:

"What could be the next step if we were to develop this idea?"

Don't push the whole plan through.\nJust the first step. I teach them to think in phases. And to work together with people who have a preference for (Sensing) application!

And for leaders working with people who have lots of ideas:

Don't only ask for concretisation.\nAlso ask:

"What do you see that we don't yet see?"

"Which possibility are we missing?"

"And how could we apply this?"

Otherwise you unintentionally steer towards adaptation,\nand you lose the innovation your employee brings.

And otherwise, look together for a role that fits this conceptual thinker better.

• Irritation.\n• Disappointment.\n• Fatigue.

And almost automatically we think: this is the other person's fault.

He's not doing enough.\nShe doesn't communicate clearly.\nThis just doesn't work.\nI'd better do it myself.

We quickly build a narrative — and often seek confirmation from our peers. Or even worse, from our partners 😊

But seeking confirmation of being right from peers or partners doesn't change the collaboration. The insight lies in one simple, yet confronting question:

What is touching me so deeply, and doesn't this happen more often?

What expectation did I have — and… did I actually express it or align it with the other person?

Growth and development start with self-reflection

The moment you look inward, the dynamic changes.

You don't just see the other person's behaviour,\nbut also your own pattern.

Do you avoid?\nControl?\nPeople-please?\nWithdraw?

And more importantly:

If I recognise this behaviour in myself, I have to acknowledge that this behaviour isn't helping to improve the collaboration?

The next step is simple, but not easy:

What do I need? What did I expect? And… do I dare to say it out loud?

"Can we go over our agreement about the process once more? Realign?"

You have no influence in changing the other person.\nBut you do have a choice in your own reaction.

The other person is rarely the cause of what you feel, but often the trigger.

Self-reflection is the moment you stop pointing at the other person and start developing yourself.

Looking back on the past years of my coaching practice, I realise that almost everyone I coach finds their way to me through word of mouth.\nThrough HR, managers and friends, but mostly through clients I've had the privilege of coaching over the past 25 years.

And as I wrote in my previous blog, the demand for coaching on behaviour and self-reflection continues to grow.

🥁 How and what I can offer, and for whom, I've explained on my new website:\nwww.loomancoaching.nl\nI'm very curious whether you recognise this and what questions it raises for you.

I'd love to think along with you, via LinkedIn or directly by email: info@loomancoaching.nl.\nPlease do let me know.

PS 🧡 How wonderful to see so many people recognising themselves in finding energy from work, even after retirement. And that you respond so enthusiastically to the idea of having a Plan B for yourself.

"Why stop working after 70? We need you. Especially in these times! But... your website could use a bit of a refresh!"

Said one of my clients. A hardworking professional in their 40s.

A little offended, but also curious, I asked more questions.

Now, a few months later, I've been coached by an incredibly talented brand manager Ksenia Repina and together we 'dusted off' the website. My friend AnneMieke Eggenkamp took care of the design again. And my webmaster Willem-Hein Couwenberg handled the technical implementation.

And… together we crafted and shaped my Ten-Year Plan based on a sharp IST-SOLL analysis.

I'll send you a link as soon as the site is converted. And I'm very curious to hear your reactions and questions.

2. Read nonverbal cues. "Tell me how I should interpret your silence," or "You suddenly seem to not want to look directly at me. I'm concerned something I've said isn't sitting well. Can you help me understand if that's true?"

3. Monitor how you narrate the story and check if there are no assumptions. "I assume it went well because they did not ask any questions."

4. Know your triggers and encourage others to call them out. "My buttons that get pushed when I feel stressed are… When you hear or see these, please make me aware. I know they are dysfunctional and or annoying."

While boredom can be unpleasant, it can also be an opportunity to reflect on your interests, values, and goals.

Start by analyzing your type of boredom and identify the underlying causes.

Use your time not to grab the phone but make a list of tasks that give you energy and that cost you energy.

Benchmark this list on your current role and the company you work for.

Analyzing your boredom can also help you develop creativity, resilience, and the ability to adapt to new situations. So rather than distract yourself or ignore your boredom, consider working with it as a valuable tool for personal growth and a way to let your work energize- and intellectually challenge you again.

Self-reflection is important to create balance and understanding. My advice is, especially when we feel irritated or disappointed, pick up your journal and start writing:

Ask yourself open-ended questions:\n• What is my irritation/disappointment about?\n• What could I have done differently?\n• Am I taking anything or anyone for granted, assuming they know what I need?\n• How come others do not get irritated but I do?\n• Have I been irritated with the same person, in the same situation before?\n• Have I been disappointed in the same person? What were my expectations? Are they real?\n• How do I defend myself?\n• Is this my coping mechanism?\n• What do I need to say/do the next time I feel this feeling again?

We analyzed what is in his way of showing empathy. We work on assignments to not only listen but also ask questions to learn more about the Whys and When.

Different people like to communicate in different ways, Some like very direct communication while others want as much background as possible. Your role as a manager is to communicate with them in a way that is most effective for them, for which you must know them as a person. So ask some questions about their weekend activities to learn more about their ambitions and drives.

From a management perspective, how can you empathize with them if you don't know a little about their personal life? Knowing something about the personal circumstances will likely give you an insight into the fluctuations in their work, there are a lot of things you may otherwise not be aware of!

However, most of us today work in multigenerational and multicultural organizations where employees show up with different backgrounds, issues, and experiences. You can't possibly expect to relate to every circumstance that is brought to you personally.

"How can I be of help to you"? This is the best question to ask people when they share their worries or sorrows. Listen very carefully to their answer and do not fill in what you think they might need.

Irritation can be a mirror to self-reflection.

The Swiss psychoanalyst Carl Jung and also author Hermann Hesse have explained why other people irritate us so much:\n• 'If you hate a person, you hate something in him/her that is part of yourself.'\n• 'What isn't part ourselves doesn't disturb us.'\n• 'Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.'

This is not to say that other people don't behave immorally and that our judgment about such behavior is completely unfounded. What Hesse and Jung are getting at is that our emotional reaction — be it irritation or hatred — to perceived weaknesses in others reflects something going on inside of us.

It is not the person or the behavior which bothers us, but our reaction to it. We can use this reaction as a tool for self-reflection, to find out why this hatred and irritation exists.

Being irritated by someone else can be used as an opportunity to closely examine our reaction; to see what it reveals about our shadow, and ultimately, ourselves.

Unearth collective intelligence in teams

• Transform groups into teams; Collective intelligence depends on cohesion — aligning a team around shared responsibilities for a meaningful mission. When people believe they need one another to succeed in reaching an important goal, they become more than the sum of their parts.

• Choose leaders based on pro-social skills. Instead of promoting babblers and ball hogs, elevate people who put their mission above their ego. And prioritize team cohesion over personal glory. When teams are eager to contribute, the most effective leader is not the loudest talker, but the best listener.

• Shift from brainstorming to brainwriting. For more balanced participation and better solutions before you meet a group, have people generate and evaluate ideas independently. Once all the ideas are on the table and all the voices are in the room, have the group select and refine the most promising possibilities.

• Replace the corporate ladder with a lattice system. Instead of leaving it up to a single boss to shoot down suggestions, give people multiple paths to speak up. If people can go to more than one leader, a single no can't kill an idea — and a single yes can be enough to save it.

Expressive writing is a tool through which we describe our most profound thoughts and feelings about emotional events. Instead of neutral writing in which we describe the facts and the event more objectively without the emotions that we felt.

Based on research (James Pennebaker), an expressive writing protocol can help us to cope better with emotions and relationships:

• Expressive writing improves job satisfaction, encourages the use of adaptive coping strategies, and reduces emotions and negative relationships.\n• Benefits, coping strategies, emotions, relationships, and job satisfaction are greater in subjects who use expressive writing than those who use neutral writing.\n• The use of expressive writing increases the number of positive words, reducing the presence of negative affectivity. The texts derived in this study were noted at the beginning and end of the expressive writing sessions. According to the Pennebaker model, during writing sessions, there is a reduction in words with negative emotional significance and an increase in those with positive meaning.

Extrinsic motivation is reward-driven behavior. Like praise, fame, and or money. Though, the unconscious rewards are the fear of not meeting the deadline or receiving negative feedback. Unlike intrinsic motivation, external factors drive this form of motivation. The question that you can ask yourself is: "Do I behave this way according to facts and assignments that are aligned, or is this behavior a result of my assumptions of expectations from others?"

Energy drain: When tasks are carried out willingly and are aligned with the individual's personal goals and values, they do not draw extra energy from the person and may even enhance energy in some cases. Energy is an important resource because it has been linked to greater performance and persistence. This is in contrast to situations when tasks are executed under a controlled motivation mode. Here people experience pressure to think, feel or behave in particular ways. This is found to be energy-draining and results in lower quality performance outcomes over time.

Intrinsic motivation has been found to be more conducive to creativity compared to extrinsic motivation. Research has also suggested that high levels of motivation may compensate for a lack of relevant expertise, insecurity, or creativity skills.

I like this quote from the Philosopher Erich Fromm:\n"As long as anyone believes that his ideal and purpose is outside him, that it is above the clouds, in the past or in the future, he will go outside himself and seek fulfillment where it cannot be found. He will look for solutions and answers at every point except where they can be found — in himself."

LOVE AFTER LOVE

The time will come when,\nwith elation and joy, you will greet yourself\nin your own mirror and each will smile and welcome the other and say:\n"Sit here. Eat."

You will love again the stranger who was your self.\nGive wine. Give bread. Give back your heart\nto itself, to the stranger who has loved you all your life, whom you ignored, who knows you by heart.

Take down the love letters from the bookshelf,\nthe photographs, the desperate notes,\npeel your own image from the mirror.\nSit. Feast on your life.

Derek Walcott

1. Ask yourself and your colleagues: What inspires me/you/us in my work? Make time for that. The question and the attention to it is more important than the answer.

2. See your environment as a mirror of who you are and where you are now in your development. That meeting culture or that boss that bothers you is you too. No more escaping. What is personally your first work intervention?

3. We are the mirror of how people interact with us. If you don't gain confidence, look at how much confidence you give the other person. If you find people distant, look at how personally you interact with others. What do you need to move along where everyone is resisting? And how do you bring peace when everyone is in a hurry?

4. Speak out, again and again and to the person concerned, about what is bothering you. (not what he/she is doing wrong). Discipline yourself to stop gossiping or listening to gossip. People don't consciously do anything wrong. Let them know why it's not doing you any good. Speak to get in touch and listen to what the other person has to say about you. We can learn from listening and asking questions. We no longer learn anything from talking because we think we know.

1. Some go from job to job because they can't handle a boss. This pattern is usually repeated in their dealings with others "in authority" (e.g., doctor, police officer, maitre'd).

2. Some clients unconsciously express their authority issues in subtler ways. For instance, they can be overly deferential towards authority figures. They have a problem saying no and are usually the ones staying late because they've taken on too much.

3. Others reveal themselves in how they exercise their own authority in dealings with students, subordinates, and clients. So, on the one hand, they please, and on the other hand they use authority to others.

The problem is that we do not feel equal. This could be our boss, but also someone with higher social status, or anyone who has something we want and the power to withhold it.

Psychologically speaking, our first "authority figures" were our parents or caretakers. That's right, it all goes back to Mom and Dad! Not that we can blame them. This will not solve our issue. They were just passing on — quite unconsciously — pretty much what they experienced when they were that age.

Authorities have only as much power over us as we reflexively give them. You see, it isn't the way we think about authority, though that's certainly part of it. The trouble lies in the way we feel about authority.

After all, "to teach is to learn twice." Despite all these benefits, and even though 76% of working professionals believe that a mentor is important to growth, more than 54% do not have such a relationship.

The problem is often that people don't know how to find a mentor or establish a relationship. The following steps can help:\n• Define your goals and specific needs.\n• Write the "job description" of your ideal mentor. From what type of professional can you learn?\n• Share with others that you seek a mentor.\n• Make the ask (and keep it simple).\n• Have a first meeting to see if you can agree on mutual expectations.\n• Create a structured accountability process with a mentorship agreement.\n• Start simply.\n• Continue to follow up and say thank you.\n• Check now and then if the meetings are still according to mutual expectations.

Do you observe signs of hostility, conflicting goals, or unclear expectations within your teams? These are indicators of an unhealthy team dynamic. To prevent such detrimental effects, proactive measures must be taken to enhance team performance, even when objectives are being met.

One powerful approach to support team improvement is through individual coaching and team coaching. It serves as a valuable and indispensable management and leadership tool, enabling you to guide your team toward the next level of success.

A study published in the Frontier's Journal revealed that coaching had a stronger effect on people's actions than their attitudes or personal characteristics. This means that executive coaching, especially cognitive behavioral activities, can greatly impact how people behave.

The study also showed positive effects on specific outcomes like self-confidence, mental strength, and resilience, proving that executive coaching can bring about meaningful changes even in areas that are typically stable over time. The number of coaching sessions did not affect the results, but the length of the coaching program did have an impact on people's attitudes.

1. Prepare an agenda\n2. Be specific about what you want and when you want it

In the workplace, the biggest reason for unmet expectations is a lack of understanding of exactly what was expected.

3. Be clear about what you won't tolerate — It's a rule of life that you get what you tolerate. Making requests will go a long way to eliminating the 'tolerations' in your life. Whether it's asking a team member to show up on time or asking your colleague to stop making sexist jokes. Every day, through what you say and do, you teach others how to treat you.

4. Forget hints – be direct — If you like to take the less confrontational (and often, more pleasing) route of dropping hints to get others to behave differently. Same for any situation that causes you frustration – be direct and tell them what you need in the collaboration.

5. Your needs matter too — Do not think that you are putting your own needs before others. Moving your own needs higher on your priority list is therefore not selfish, it's smart. Asking for less than you really want – from yourself, from others, and from life – doesn't serve anyone. So enough with the guilt-driven martyr act. Your needs matter too.

6. Don't make 'no' mean more than it does — When people say no, don't treat it as a personal rejection – accept it graciously and move on. At least now you know where things stand and you can plan accordingly.

7. So I dare you – plan the meeting today and try asking for what you actually want. Who knows… you might just get it!

Margy Warrell

Result: overachieving, working too operationally, and no time to analyze and personally grow strategically.

There are four common reasons why most of us think why delegation fails. My direct reports have a:\n• Lack of critical thinking\n• Lack of initiative\n• Lack of quality\n• Lack of speed

By the time before handing off the task, you can address these issues preemptively and make your team more motivated and productive.

To elevate your team's capacity to think for themselves, embed the practice of coaching early in the process. Instead of providing answers, ask questions. The quality of their insights will be directly proportional to the quality of your questions.

Managers often experience the push and pull of delegation. We push out the work, only to pull it back again when it fails to meet expectations. By diving deeper into the point of failure, we can better address the underlying causes of delegation failure. By asking questions and aligning beforehand and during the process on expectations we will create trust to delegate.

Loomancoaching/HBR

Here are three actions you can take to hone your leadership skills right now and become a highly respected and influential team member.

• Embrace your existing strengths. Start by asking yourself: Which tasks at work feel most energizing and natural to you? Which projects do you excel at and enjoy? What unique perspective do you bring to the table? Your strengths, identity, and interests are what set you apart. The more you understand yourself, the more you'll be able to carry yourself with the confidence of a leader.

• Devote time to daily development. Improving your skills will help you expand your impact and influence. For example, maybe you like to develop on insights and hard data or on projecting empathy, curiosity, and compassion. Whatever it is, take note and prioritize developing those skills and projecting growth daily.

• Connect with people. Whether you're an introvert or an extrovert (or somewhere in between), you can establish the kinds of meaningful relationships that are key to connecting with your team. Commit to being vulnerable, authentic, and empathetic in your interactions with your colleagues. Dare instead of fear!

HBR: Matt Mayberry

Looking at this picture, you might think the top five are pretty similar for both genders. This is true in one way, but the order is considerably different. So if a man interviews a woman for a job, he might spend most of the time talking about challenging/interesting work – since it's at the top of the list he's most familiar with and never discuss manageable hours and benefits.

So my advice is to prepare your questions and make sure the interview is a dialogue.

10 signs:\n• You feel elevated from gossiping about other people's flaws\n• You find yourself in a feisty discussion and you just can't back down until you have 'won' the argument\n• You constantly compare yourself to other people who you feel are better than you (better looking, more intelligent, happier, more wealthy)\n• You constantly compare yourself to people who you feel are not as good as you (less intelligent, lower status)\n• You feel jealous when other people do well\n• You talk about yourself for 10 minutes before asking another how they are\n• You'd rather win than do your best\n• You often sulk when you don't win that sports game or work challenge (instead of being proud of your attempt to do your best)\n• You set yourself impossible goals and then beat yourself up when you don't reach them\n• You blame others when things don't go your way

The second step is to analyze your thoughts by asking these Three questions:\n1. Do I feel superior to others?\n2. Do I feel inferior to others?\n3. What do I need to do to feel equal?

@ Simple Life Strategies

When you approach a decision intuitively, your brain works in tandem with your gut to quickly assess all your memories, past learnings, personal needs, and preferences and then makes the wisest decision given the context. In this way, intuition is a form of emotional and experiential data that leaders need to value.

Some of my clients are more intuitive than others. The good news is that intuition is like a muscle — it can be strengthened with intentional practice. Here are a few ways to begin leveraging your intuition as helpful decision-making when you have two job offers that you have to choose from, start with asking yourself the following questions:

1. "Which profile do I choose when I only have one minute to decide?"\n2. "Does it match my core values: freedom, diversity, stability, family, or calmness."\n3. "How do I feel when you think about this choice?"\n4. "What was my gut reaction?"\n5. "Where in my body do I notice a reaction?"\n6. "Do I feel tense, panicky, or desperate? Then I know that fear or the opinions of others are in my way."

Remember, while intuition is not perfect, it's also a decision-making tool you're likely underutilizing at the moment. Give yourself the answers and you'll probably be surprised to find that your gut is a more powerful decision-making tool than you may have realized.

How to Reframe Your Conclusions?

• Check the facts: Start by gathering as much information as you can before you make a judgment.\n• Challenge your thinking: If you find yourself making assumptions, actively challenge your conclusions.\n• Ask questions: Before you jump to conclusions about what another person might be thinking, try just asking.\n• Take another perspective: Ask others how they look at your judgment.\n• Organize a second meeting: "I was irritated and before I want to defend my right, I want to better understand your way of thinking."

• 1. What is the best part of your job?\n• 2. Which of your talents are you not using in your current role?\n• 3. What part of your job would you eliminate if you could?\n• 4. What do you need from me to do your best work?\n• 5. What are we currently not doing as a company that you feel we should do?\n• 6. Do you have the opportunity to do what you do best every day?

When you make checking in regularly with these questions, it helps ensure that your employees feel seen and valued.

Extrinsic motivation is reward-driven behavior — like praise, fame, and or money. The unconscious rewards are the fear of not meeting the deadline or receiving negative feedback.

Energy drain: When tasks are carried out willingly and aligned with personal goals, they do not draw extra energy. When tasks are executed under controlled motivation, this is energy-draining.

Intrinsic motivation has been found to be more conducive to creativity compared to extrinsic motivation.

Up to 80% of people will experience a diagnosable mental health condition over the course of their lifetime, whether they know it or not.

60% of employees have never spoken to anyone at work about their mental health status.

Many high performers, including overachievers, have strengths that often result from these challenges. You are not as alone as you may think!

Mental health is a spectrum that we all go back and forth on, just like physical health. Most of us fluctuate between stress, burnout and diagnosable conditions like depression or anxiety depending on what's happening in our lives. While it may feel harder to disclose bipolar disorder than burnout, everyone should be able to relate on some level.

Self-stigma tells us that we are weak and should be ashamed of our anxiety and depression. Societal stigma tells us that we will be judged and that professional repercussions will follow if we are disclosed. However, since people shared with others their condition, none of those "assumptions" have happened. 4 Tips how to talk to your employer:

Understanding: Self-reflect — Consider what you're experiencing and what the impact is — on your work performance, demeanor, and other factors. What is the duration of the impact? Is it a short blip that will go away in a few days, a longer but episodic challenge, or a chronic condition?

Deciding: Consider the context and resources — What is the right moment, who is the right person and what do I want to achieve?

Preparing: Explore your comfort level — How much do you actually need to share to achieve your goal?

Sharing: Start the conversation — Budget more time than you think you'll need so that the conversation isn't cut short. Be clear about the impact your mental health challenges are having at work. If the cause is work-related, share that also. Just as you hope that your manager or HR will have empathy for you, try to also have empathy for them. Give them grace and allow them to take some time to circle back with next steps. Be sure to set a time to follow up.

Kelly Greenwood HBR

• I have to do more research, gather more information, find more sources of inspiration before I start.\n• I'll get started tomorrow — I've got time.\n• I fear of not meeting the goal and it makes me look really bad / stupid.\n• I fear of not being good enough and therefore being criticized by others.

We started by explaining why procrastination has nothing to do with laziness.

Studies reveal a cognitive aspect: People procrastinate when they view concrete tasks in abstract terms.

So we made one of her assignments concrete. Shifted perceptions. Aligned on expectations, instead of assuming them. And analyzed the anxiety.

Instead of fearing the failure of the outcome she broke the assignment up in steps. With help from a colleague, since she (as a conceptual thinker) has a hard time thinking in steps. And with the help of the 5 steps in Design Thinking, where the process is as important as the product, her confidence grew and therefore less fear of failure. Her perfectionism was a conviction in her head and was therefore not concrete and not aligned.

"The colleagues I work with are really fun."\n"My boss really appreciates what I am doing."\n"I was busy with pleasing others and realize now that I was not developing myself anymore."\n"I have online been listening more critically to my manager and realized that he drains my energy."

If you feel this also, it is the time to prepare yourself for the job market. Prepare the following:

1. Reflect on yourself. Why did I get into higher education? What is it about this industry/company that makes me want to stay? Why do I do tasks that drain my energy? Why do I not change my way of working when it is dysfunctional?

2. Future mapping. If I would meet you in 5 years what would you like to be saying to me what you are doing? Mapping can also be a mood board, colors / pictures / words.

3. Update your CV-Resumé. Make it personal so the reader becomes interested in you.

4. Make a list of your network contacts. To whom would you like to talk to ask them about their job / company / branch?

After following the 6 steps she re-framed her profile and curriculum and through her networking she found the right job for the time being. Sometimes certain situations require shifts in our careers: If you have lost your job, or you decide to stay home with the children for a couple of years. Or you want to take care of somebody or it was time to take care of yourself.

1. Reframe the situation; even if you're not advancing through work, you're still advancing in other areas at home.\n2. Find learning opportunities. What subjects are still triggering your curiosity?\n3. Push back against standard options and assumptions.\n4. Write down small goals and steps in a plan.\n5. Use small amounts of time toward your goals. e.g. Every morning ten minutes.\n6. Share your thoughts with people to help you reflect.

• I don't know how to improve?\n• I don't know how to be successful here?\n• I don't feel supported?\n• I don't see how I fit in here?

As a leader we are responsible for all these reasons. We all need feedback.

Feedback helps us to make sure our actions match our intentions.

Avoiding feedback is like living your whole life without looking in a mirror.

Learning to receive it is the first step. You don't have to convince anyone that they are wrong about you.

DO NOT DEFEND! When we defend we relate feedback to ourselves. We think:\n• I have disappointed them.\n• I am not good enough.\n• I am not fit for the job.\n• They don't see my talent!

Practice the following:\n\nIf you see work as an agreement on expectations (alignment on content and process) it is easier to respond on feedback by re-aligning on the expectations.

"I am sorry you are not satisfied. What have you been missing?"\n"Are you not satisfied on my content or on my process?"\n"Can we make a new agreement that we are both satisfied about?"

Asking questions well can put you on the path to solving intractable problems and will also help you connect with your team and, counterintuitively, to earn their trust. Those questions should be big in scope: What new opportunities have emerged that we don't want to miss? How might we use new technologies to change our business model?

And you should involve others in answering those questions — employees, stakeholders, and even customers. Doing so can not only help you generate better answers, it can also help you to change your organization's culture. The kind of questions leaders need to ask are those that invite people to come together to explore major new opportunities that your organization hasn't identified yet. Rather than on the existing activities of the organization. Here are some examples:

• What is a game-changing opportunity that could create much more value than we have delivered in the past?\n• What are emerging unmet needs of our customers that could provide the foundation for an entirely new business?\n• How could we leverage the resources of third parties to address a broader range of the needs of our customers?\n• How can we move from standardized, mass-market products and services to personalizing our products and services to the specific needs of each customer?\n• How can we develop supply networks that would be more flexible in responding to unanticipated disruptions in production or logistics?\n• How could we harness sensor technology to create more visibility into how our customers are using our products and use this information to deliver more value and deepen trust with our customers?

• Openness to experimentation; taking risks.\n• Ability to look beyond the rational; like looking at fear, anger, irritations and pride.\n• Willingness to take responsibility; you can shape your future.\n• Capacity for forgiveness; stop defending that you were right.\n• Self-discipline; let go of ways of thinking that made you successful in the past.\n• Ability to ask for support; share goals and listen out of curiosity and learn from others through asking feedback.\n• Invest in time and effort.

Expect that the experience will cause you both excitement and some anxiety, and be ready to have an honest conversation with your coach about which characteristics are challenging for you.

You may find that you're not yet ready to get the most out of executive coaching, or you may gain insight into what it will take for you to meaningfully develop as a leader.

(c) IMD Business School

Through coaching, she got an insight that it is not the job but that she is striving to satisfy an inner need for recognition based on low self-esteem. She was working extrinsically instead of intrinsically driven.

Certainly, managers aren't therapists or executive coaches, and they don't have to be. But it will help managers if you try to understand what makes these employers tick. If we do not carefully manage the often-unconscious needs of these over-performers for appreciation, they will burn out in a way that is damaging to themselves and unproductive for the company.

These challenges have put a new emphasis on the importance of worker health and wellness — and not just in terms of physical health. For HR professionals, this means the future of work will include developing a stronger focus and a more holistic view of employee wellbeing, one that encompasses the emotional, mental and spiritual health of workers along with the physical.

You can read more on this subject in the HBR article "HR Jobs of the Future".

Spending weekends or holidays working undermines one of the most important factors that determine whether we persist in our work: Intrinsic Motivation. We feel intrinsically motivated when we engage in activities that we find interesting, enjoyable, and meaningful. Research shows that working during leisure time creates internal conflict between pursuing personal and professional goals, leading us to enjoy our work less. Yet, we also uncovered a solution to this problem: reframing time off as "work time" can help us maintain intrinsic motivation for our work.

Similarly to how we think of Monday as the "start of the week". When we engage in work during the time that we think of as leisure time, such as the weekend, we experience conflict between our expectations and reality, and as a result, we find our work less engaging and less meaningful.

One caveat to note is that intrinsic motivation isn't the only kind of motivation that inspires people to work. People also work because of extrinsic motivation (i.e., to receive a salary, support a family, etc.). And while working during time off has a negative effect on intrinsic motivation to work, researchers found no evidence that it impacts people's extrinsic motivation. While goal conflict associated with working on weekends or holidays undermines our capacity for finding work inherently meaningful, it doesn't change the value of getting paid or having job security. Nevertheless, without intrinsic motivation, extrinsic motivation is often insufficient to keep us content and doing our work.

The takeaway is clear: Whether we enjoy the work we do is shaped not only by the type of activities we engage in but also by when we engage in these activities. If you have to work during time off, try to reframe it mentally as work time to help you maintain your motivation. Managers can also support their employees by encouraging them not to work during time off, as our data suggests that working during time off can undermine intrinsic motivation and thus reduce the effort that employees put into their work. Understanding how to stay motivated has always been important, but as the pandemic forces many employees to work remotely and burdens them with additional demands on their time, these strategies will be particularly crucial to ensure you and your team stay as productive and engaged as possible.

HBR: Laura M. Giurge

1. Create time and space to switch off. If you have extraversion preferences, recharge by doing something active, perhaps with others (even if that happens virtually while you're social distancing). If working from home, make sure to take breaks. Go for a walk or a run if you can, or do something new and different. Some extraverts find it helpful to leave their devices in another room when they're de-stressing. Keep in contact with others, and use video, not just voice.\nIf you have introversion preferences, recharge by doing something that allows you time to reflect or that you can become absorbed in. Establish a quiet area of your home where you can work and/or retreat to. Try to limit online meetings, but ensure that you have some contact with other people.

2. Beware of information overload. If you have sensing preferences, stop and take a step back. Focus on the big picture; what's important? To avoid getting lost in the details, keep in touch with other people, and ask for their take on the situation. Don't obsess with getting every little thing right or having a perfect home working environment.\nIf you have intuition preferences, stop going through all the possibilities. Ground yourself at the moment. Try one thing at a time, and stick to it; if you are working at home, it can be easy to skip from one idea to another.

3. Create boundaries. If you have thinking preferences, consider your impact on others. For example, read through messages before you send them. The written communications of "thinking" individuals can be very direct and task-focused and may appear terse and impersonal to others. Without the benefit of face-to-face contact, they may be misunderstood.\nIf you have feeling preferences, find a balance between supporting others and looking after your own needs. That can be difficult when you are worried about the impact of the Covid-19 crisis on others, especially if your close friends and family are not around to help. Identify the supports you need and take conscious actions to attain them.

4. Find a work/life balance that suits you. If you have judging preferences, set boundaries with yourself and others regarding when you will and won't use technology at home — but be flexible when things are urgent. Turning off your devices when you are not working will most likely lower your stress levels, so make it clear to others when you will and won't be available. If the Covid-19 crisis meant that you suddenly had to change your routines, establish new ones. If you are working at home, keep "work" and "home" separate by having a designated work area and staying away from it outside of working hours.\nIf you have perceiving preferences, you might be enjoying some aspects of working from home, such as the freedom to be flexible with your hours. But don't expect others to necessarily feel the same. Avoid sending emails or requesting chats outside of normal working hours. And allow some time for other activities so that your workdays don't become overly routine. Timeboxing, or converting your to-do list into blocks of time on your calendar, might help.

Technology can empower people, but it can also make them feel enslaved. By thinking carefully about how and when to use it, you can find your own sweet spot.

John Hackston, The Meyers Briggs Company

Do you lead millennials? Then you can help them put this conviction into perspective.

Be a mentor! Create an organizational culture in which they can learn from mistakes. Gaining responsibility to develop their professionalism and control options to adapt their working conditions to their lives. The more flexible the boss is, the more motivated and loyal millennials are to their employer. Persistent myths are circulating. These young ones would be spoiled and impatient and would not accept authority. In reality....

These young people are under extremely high pressure. They don't just impose it on themselves. The step towards financial independence is greater for young people than it was for baby boomers. Fixed contracts are not self-evident nowadays and living is expensive. In addition, they often have a distorted image through social media that "everything has to be perfect".

Rising pressure to perform and the insight that human knowledge and experience are part of the formula for success in business have systematically increased the importance of mentorship. Support them on human knowledge and experience through trial and error.

In general, mentorship is a long-term relationship and a mutual learning process. The mentor needs information and experiences because the main task exists to guide the mentors in his/her growth processes and also to test self-growth. The responsibility is mutual and individual.

First, it's important to understand that fear is a basic human mechanism. It helps us survive. But fear mixed with uncertainty can lead to something quite bad for our mental health: anxiety. And when anxiety is spread by social contagion it can lead to panic.

Taking a mindful pause works by keeping the thinking parts of our brains "online" so we can help rather than hinder. Taking a moment to pause in stressful situations, whether that means you take three deep breaths or simply pay attention to the feeling in not-anxious parts of your body (like your feet or your hands), helps ground you in calmer emotions.

Breath and ask yourself: What do I need to do this hour?

Source: HBR — Judson Brewer

The Nobel Prize winning behavioral economist Daniel Kahneman has spent more than six decades researching how people make decisions. His finding? The "lizard brain" — the primitive part of that is all about fear, fight and flight — is nearly always in charge of our decisions. So, while you might use the word "innovation" to mean "improvement," employees are hearing alarm bells ringing "Danger! Danger!" and there's no time to put a positive spin on it.

Whatever term you choose, make it about your audience — not you, not your PR department and not the next big Davos announcement. That way, innovation might actually stand a chance.

Source: HBR

I give my clients the following assignment: Write in 6–7 sentences about work that excites you and why tasks match your personality. Describe your added value. Do not repeat what you already mentioned in your CV. Make sure the profile has your "color and signature". Be honest. Let your best friends read it and see if they would have said the same about you. Do not be afraid to mention your preferences. Mention the culture and the kind of company you are looking for. For instance: International, small, working with professionals.

Also mention what you would like to learn and what still makes you curious. Here is an example of one of my clients:

"A dynamic organization with challenges in the area of customer experience is what I am looking for. I analyze quickly and suggest solutions. I like to connect with people because I am empathic and I am curious what drives others. I am not afraid of conflicting situations. I like to take responsibility but also give responsibility. I dare to decide and have in addition a clear, open and direct communication style. I have more an eye for creativity than for details. I am analytical, entrepreneurial, decisive, people manager, and no-nonsense in my working style. I use my humor and self-mockery to manage myself and others."

People often have a poor understanding of what makes them happy, and this applies at work, too. Taking a step back to put these findings in perspective, it seems that early on in one's career, people appreciate a job that will bring future benefits as they continue to perform. The present job may not be ideal, as one tries to balance hard work with enough time to play. In midlife things get generally tougher: It's harder to balance work and life, and people struggle to make ends meet. But as one gets older, one begins to be more satisfied with one's present job and also to have more resources to achieve personal aspirations.

The bottom line: Satisfaction at work is influenced by factors such as benefits, pay, relationships, and commute length. But all of this boils down to two things being important, regardless of your circumstances: (1) having a life outside of work, and (2) having the money to afford it. If you have a job that grants you both of these, you might be happier than you realize.

Research by Ran Zilca